I'm so scare. now my whole body is shivering.

i really cant bear heartbreak feeling anymore.

please don't lie.

please don't promise me something if u really don't want to do it.

A letter to myself

i've been back from school for almost 4 hours. Time passing so fast, wish i could make it move slower.

My dearest trial exam had brought forward.
August 10th instead of 1st September.

I really don't want to get awful result. I really really very scared.

To be honest, I'm feeling very stress up lately. To see people around me are working/ striving so hard + hardworking to achieve what they want.

you know. I felt like a LOSER somehow.

I've always look through myself as a person who has no discipline, no self-determination, not smart (at all), no will-power and get easy distracted by the outer world easily.

People around me always say I'm smart. Well, I'll say may be u have see b4 the smarter one nor the one who work harder 1000% than anyone else to achieve what they want in their life.

I know where my limits is, I aware.

I don't want to loose grip.

I need support. I need comfort. I need warmth.

Held me these n I'm sure i will make it through a distance. Trust me. ;)

I really don't want to be a useless person.

I want my family n my bf proud of me.

-
This is a very emotional post.

I'm glad i had typed it out, feel much better now. =)



at last my wishes 4 this year. hope it will not late to bring it out. xP.

ALL I WANT IS YOU:

1) Straight As in SPM! (gonna fight for it)
2) Sets target and accomplish them with pride n glory.
3) A good n healthy relationship with my bf, derrick.
4) A healthy family with less confrontation. :D
5) All my dearest friends could achieve what they want in their life n happiness could always be with 'em.

Learn to appreciate things in present n never look back. I'm glad that u r mine now. i love u.

how to be a good girlfriend

I found the man of my dream I'll make sure that I'll be a a good girlfriend for him. I'll make him Happy and Enjoy our relationship with each other. :)

1: Be real honest: Whereas self honest to you are helper, it is equally vital that you be honest to yourself and yes, in a grown-up relationship, honesty is the most excellent policy, as long as you are important other too is honest to himself and we all know it is pretty difficult to expect from anyone.

2: Have a optimistic attitude: If all you say about him is a censure or an attack, he will not look onward to seeing you remember people don't want you to be honest with their inadequacy's. It is a improved plan in mature relationships. Be unprompted, but be careful in your impulsiveness.Be happy.

3: Communicate regularly: Do not talk his ear off, he doesn't need your opinion, if he did he would read a book or something he respects. However, make positive that if you have any difficulty that will have an effect on your mood, he is made aware of the reasons for your problems. so that you do not come into view to just be a indecisive and bad-tempered creature. But if you have big problems, keep it to yourself, because then it may look like you are talking his ear off.

4: Build your desires, needs, and opinions: Still when they might disagreement with his. If they do, build certain that you should desist from talking too a great deal concerning them. You decision and needs definitely help you.

5: Be reliable: Such as being truthful first, then being diplomatic next. Such as having the desire to converse issues first, then shutting the torture up. If you want to be reliable, make sure it's well-matched with his/her desires. If you are reliably annoying, they won't have none of that.

6: Be patient: Please don't mechanically think he did not hear you when you said something. May be he was worried with not listening to you. Don't jump to end and don't be bitchy about being ignored all the time. Remember, they may be trying to be reliable with their egocentricism.

7: let him life his life : If you feel entitled to all of his time and attention, learn how to not be an obsessive girlfriend. Remember that he doesn't need you for everything and that you are separate people as well as a couple. When he needs some space, don't take it personally. But do make sure he knows that you are always there for him.

• Keep your life If things are working out, don't drop your friends or family for him. Your man will find it sexy that you have other priorities, or want a girls day out. Don't pool your world into him.
  

• Be yourself Don't lie to impress him, don't try to make him jealous, don't lead him on if your not into everything. Those things are wrong, if you feel the need to do that then you don't know the meaning of a true relationship. Be honest and open with him. If the two of you are mature then you will handle it correctly.
  

• Ultimate Sexy Don't be afraid to be seductive. Men find it irresistible when a woman is sexy, classy and confident. Confidence is the ultimate type of sexy.

will u be mine?

there's this saying which goes ''if you love someone, let them go. if they return, they will always yours. if they dont, they will never.''

baby it's been 2 months, that we havent meet each other. today is the first day i met u after all those heartbreak feelings. At first, i did a bit hestitate about returning back to u. but when i met u, my heart had told me what should i do. when your lips touches on mine. i feel so so so warm n yet happy. i smile from my heart. the trust feeling had came back to me. baby i know i still love u . n it's a lot. my love towards u didnt decrease n yet through this incident. actually it did made me more sure about my feeling towards u. I hope this time really could work out.

baby, if u are reading this. i would want to tell u that i really love you. sorry that i did lots of things that hurt u. i want to change all my bad atitidues n become a better person in my future.

pss: My heart belongs to you my love, only you. It'll continue beating as long as you're here to keep it alive . The day it stops, that's when we're both 6 feet under ; side to side.

"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

I want a man, not a boy. ♥

a man who knows how to appreciate the things I do for him.
a man who pampers me with something that money can't buy
a man who knows his mistakes and try to make it right.
a man who can be my pillow whenever i need someone to lean on.
a man who knows when to give in and let down his pride.
a man who'd communicate, listen and respond
a man who respects me, my family and his.
a man who enjoys what life has to offer.
a man who can say yes or no instead of 'anything'.
a man who won't keep me waiting though the day or night.
a man who (at least) try figure out what's going on inside me and resolve it.
a man who help the relationship work when it gets tough
a man who'd never lay his hand on woman
a man who works hard and planning well for his future
a man who is motivated
a man who takes responsibility for his actions
a man who gives me freedom that I need.
a man who loves me with no doubts.